Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
