Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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