There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
