is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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