The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
