If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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