Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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