That's when you crack a 10am beer
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
