i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
