Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
