Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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