and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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