This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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