I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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