My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
