You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
