then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk is a universal language darling
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