he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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