i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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