i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
