5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize