I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
