This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
