even my farts smell like vagina
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
