I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize