I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
