Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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