This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
