Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
