OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tell her she can't have a vagina
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
