I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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