mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
