Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So vagazzling was a success
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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