her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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