I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize