I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
