I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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