I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
