I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
