i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
