why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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