i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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