Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
