I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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