By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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