forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
