So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
