Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I came so hard my ears popped.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
