she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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