His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
