im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
