She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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