there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will pee on everything he values.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
