Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
