Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
