I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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