So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
