Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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