Why does Corona taste like a burp?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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