His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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