What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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