You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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