she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
