Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
