I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How naked do you want me to be?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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