So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm bleeding and have questions
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
