one two three fourrrrnication!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize