There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found a bag of teeth...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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