that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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