and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
