My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
