he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize