do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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